The “Glow” Up

Pregnancy Glow is a scam. There. I said it. It is a scam for me, at least. I’m in my 17th week and people have been saying—thank you by the way—, “Tasha! You’re glowing!” I can promise you it is make up PLUS filters on the photographs/IG stories I’ve been posting. Every skin care regime that has worked for me no longer wants to work for me any more!!! That being said, I feel a LOT better now in my second trimester than I did my first. And getting to see my little baby swim around inside me once a month, makes my LIFE.

The First Trimester. Woowee. It was the trimester that I wondered how could any mother say, “I miss being pregnant!” HOW? WHY? Someone did tell me to remember that they say that AFTER they give birth. But going through it myself, I didn’t even see how they could feel nostalgic about it! PLUS, I didn’t even have it that bad. Haha. I might be a little dramatic but a story wouldn’t be fun to read without a little drama.

Hives from New Obimin on my arm.

I did not throw up once (lucky) but I did feel dizzy and gaggy a lot. At first I was allergic to New Obimin, which, many mums or mums-to-be know, is the first thing your gynae will prescribe you to make sure you are getting all the nutrients you need to grow a healthy happy baby. Maybe my baby is a little picky, but I was getting HIVES AND dizzy spells (like seasickness) when I was on New Obimin. According to my doctor, and some OBGYN forums on the internet, New Obimin has some filler supplements which are totally safe, but some ladies just don’t need it and it will trigger some side effects! I feel like almost everyone can consume the supplements with no problems but my baby said, no, take each and every thing you need in 4 different pills, not one!

Then, I was sleepy 25 hours a day and of no help at all to Ryan, who—the angel that he is—cleaned, cooked, did the laundry AND FOLDED TOO. And if you know me, you know I can’t sit still. So to be naturally tranquillised by my own body? I felt betrayed. I was already doing nothing due to the lockdown and not being able to work (another thing that makes me anxious—not being able to work), to add on to that I was completely USELESS at home the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy. OF COURSE, everyone was telling me, “Tash, your body is LITERALLY making a baby right now. REST!” and yes! I'm aware of it! It’s doing this amazing, unBELIEVABLE thing! But again, the overachiever in me was convinced I could MAKE my body multitask.

Haha it couldn’t. I was a zombie. “Napping” for 4 hours a day. But that’s okay. This WILL happen. And I am grateful and very, very aware at how LUCKY I am that I can afford to be a zombie.

But with being a zombie, comes great anxiety. I know the situations are less—LESS—than favourable right now. I was in a vicious cycle by myself, in my head, and along with the hormones mixed with the anxiety (shaken, not stirred), I had my moments where I would cry in COMPLETE panic.

How did this happen so fast? Are we even financially capable of raising a whole human? Will my little one have the best life ever? Can I provide a fruitful AND beautiful life for my child? When can I do my photography again? Is the country ever gonna get back on its feet? Will I have my shit together by then?

I’d talk about it with Ryan. He is my husband, after all. And he could tell me everything is going to be alright and I would still be a mess. The cocktail of emotions that is half anxiety half hormones really tripped me out. And maybe the pregnancy glow is here, but it’s masked by layers of stress that I am putting on myself. No one else. Just me.

I’m pretty sure many other soon-to-be parents feel the exact same way as I do. Add in the uncertain future of our country to the mix plus this pandemic holding us back from having the regular lives we had trained years for, I think everyone’s on edge right now. I have a bunch of my friends to remind me I’m not alone, and for that, I am grateful. Counting all our blessings everyday, especially the little one swimming around in my belly.

Toddler Dress I sewed from fabric I found. Neckline + Hems to be turned in and stitched!

I’ve been keeping my mind off things that are going on in the “outside world” by having several different outputs for my creative side (Not photography. I feel too tired doing photography now that I feel sloppy and unfulfilled.) It might sound silly to you, but I’ve been making Sims homes on Sims 4 (yes, building elaborate homes and living my true HGTV dreams) and also sewing more clothes. Channeling my energy to do something creative but also productive PLUS getting some virtual human interaction—from critique and responses from both builds and sewing—has really been helping me keep OFF the internet, whenever it’s juuuuuust crazy enough to ignore. I won’t ignore the important stuff, I promise. But yes, doing these things have been keeping my anxiety contained and that’s all I want for the sake of the baby! Every time I even stress the SLIGHTEST bit, I feel super guilty, like I’m letting the baby down. (Oh God, is this what parenthood is???)

And thank you to all of you who have humoured me and told me you’d buy my toddler pieces! Too bad I do NOT have the stamina to mass produce plus I’m such a perfectionist, I will probably drive myself (and Ryan) mad if I took orders! Maybe not right now. Maybe I’ll just make a couple and get in touch with y’all when I have “stock”. Haha.

But having said that, if you are holding down your fort from home with some simple home businesses, and you need a little boost, please please do reach out to me on Instagram. I may not have a million people in my audience but I’ll help boost it however I can. And for everyone else who’s been helping others wherever they can??? Amazing. How amazing is it that even with all this shit we’re going through, we’re still here for each other.

My inbox is open any time ANYONE needs a chat. It’ll be great to connect with more fellow parents/parents-to-be (I’m the first one out of my girls here in Malaysia to be pregnant… so…) but of course you don’t need to be with-child to hit me up! Haha.

Thanks again for all the well wishes and for tuning in to this blog. I’ve loved reading all the comments and having all the conversations with all of you that have reached out to me. Let me know if there’s anything I should talk about, or anything you particularly want to read about because I look forward to writing more!

So much love from the three of us!